'It was enough to have laughed.'

*looks very pleased with herself*

Isn't that an awesome line? Isn't it? It is, in fact, the last line of a scene that will be written in the nearish future. (Though I know better than to say when, as it will be longer than I think.)

It's a snippet, and when it came to me I scribbled it down in a little notebook - one with a rose fairy on it. It's a pretty little book; a Christmas present from Liz. This is, in fact, the first thing I've written in it. I was scared to write anything before. You know how it goes - right? A set of beautiful, unblemished pages, holding so much promise - but what if you write something horribly unworthy of that promise?

But this snippet came to me. And you know, it's been a very long time since I received a snippet, at least for Shanlara. I realized I couldn't write this particular scene just yet; but I had to write that sentence down. The other two mini-notebooks that rest on my bedside table are both nearly full, and it's almost impossible to find a specific jotting amongst all the scattered ideas and such that crowd them. But here was Liz's book, all fresh and new and waiting - and so it has begun a hopeful career.

I have been very frustrated with Shanlara lately. I absolutely hate Kentigern. It's all his fault. The moment he happened along, I felt myself wading into a quagmire; and now it seems I am rather firmly stuck. Up to my hips in a muddy mess. Sluggish, because I simply can't move. And when I try, it turns into a desperate struggle that ends leaving me more hopeless than before.

It's all Kentigern's fault. But that's alright - he's got it coming. Adrian will laugh at him.

You see, I'm not sure exactly how it happened. I know I thought of one thing, and then another; but I can't remember in what order, or what degree of importance each had. But there is that moment - a precise moment in time that you can never quite pin afterwards - when it all clicked, and I realized I'd fogotten something.

Adrian can laugh.

I remembered the scenes early on - scenes that are good, that are well-written, that I love - where he is with Tristan, and laughing, and happy, even in the midst of rather dire circumstances.

And I saw him listening to Kentigern's ridiculous bragging, and I realized - how petty to be so angry over such a small person's insults. Adrian is above that. I realized - he is not burning with anger he's trying to keep in.

No. Instead, he is trying desperately not to laugh.

Adrian does have a tendency to become absorbed in his own, dark thoughts in bad situations. But really, how long can anyone continue in such a state before they go completely insane - before they sort of cave in?

Tristan brings out the best in Adrian. But does that mean the best in him ceases to exist when Tristan isn't there?

I have long known tha Fyndra brings out something in Adrian that is gentle, beautiful; but how can that happen when he is not being himself? There can't be a sudden transition. He has to be open to it.

Hehe. I just realized that half of this doesn't make any sense unless you have some idea of Shanlara. :) There is a thread in the novel section on Inkies, that has a link to the old Inkies, that contains part of my novel. Go read it if you like. It only has the first few chapters, though, so you still won't know what I'm talking about.

But in the meanwhile, I shall be making Adrian laugh. No more bitterness. No more sullen anger.

Thank goodness.